If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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