You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
