Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
