New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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