I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
