I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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