Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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