I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
