All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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