in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
