As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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