Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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