I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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