I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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