so let's talk penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
