Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
