Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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