so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
