There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
