I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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