Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
