Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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