i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
