none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
