You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
