It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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