Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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