i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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