My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
