She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
