Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
