And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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