It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
