bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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