I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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