Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
