Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
