If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
