i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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