Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
