I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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