My hand turned me down
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wear drunk well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
