Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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