We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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