This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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