my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
