You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
