I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
