Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i will never coherently bang her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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