i'm signing you up for texting rehab
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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