remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
