I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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