I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
