Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
