I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
