between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize