You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
