The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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