I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
