you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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