He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I supernannyed him into submission
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize