he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i think im in europe. pls send help
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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