We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
