Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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