While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
