"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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