Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
