Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
