Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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