it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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