Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
