there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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