You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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