i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
