Yo dont text me then not text me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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